Hardly a Cat
by sinovenator
Summary: What if Japhet and Valerie were best friends—or even something a little more—before things went downhill? NSFW.


"I can't tell Pablo about us, you know."

Japhet raised his head to glance at the cat grooming his nape feathers. "Why ever not?"

"We're natural enemies. He'd say our friendship goes against the way of things." Valerie sighed and pawed through Japhet's fluffy yellow plumage for any spots he'd missed.

"Ha!" The great bird rested his head on his back by Valerie. "If you ask me, a magic cat who goes around claiming to be some kind of judge has no right to call _other people_ unnatural."

The cat frowned. "I didn't mean… I love my brother. He's just kind of set in his ways is all."

Japhet winced at the quaver in his friend's voice. "Sorry. I shouldn't have spoken that way about him. Er… what's he up to these days?"

"Oh, probably the usual. Chasing after some she-cat and winding up with yet another litter of mini-Pablos." His whiskers twitched. "He never brings up his escapades with the ladies—to spare my feelings, I guess—but he also never thinks to hide the scent. I mean, come on. Might as well wear a big ol' sign around his neck: 'GUESS WHO GOT LAID TODAY?' "

They laughed together, Valerie in his velvet-soft purr, Japhet in his own high-pitched warble. Oh, how content the cat would have been for things to stay this way forever, just the two of them snuggling in Japhet's nest on the top floor of Zone 2's great library.

"It's probably for the best that Pablo's around," Valerie said as his mirth subsided. "I've seen for myself what a good dad he is. Besides, no she-cat in her right mind would want a bony little wimp like me." He shrugged, not wanting Japhet to see how much the thought stung him. "Guess I'm just not cut out for a mate."

Japhet blinked at him. "Do you really think that?"

"Well, yeah. I couldn't even make myself eat you when we first met—no offense," Valerie added quickly. "Still, in some ways it's like I'm hardly a cat at all."

Japhet lifted his head and looked away, hesitating before speaking again. "There's no rule that says your mate has to be a cat."

Valerie stiffened, gripping the bird's soft back with all four paws. Did he mean…?

It seemed too good to hope for, but Japhet speedily disabused him of that notion. "I feel that," he sniffed. "Honestly, just how oblivious _are_ you felines?" He craned his neck around to nuzzle Valerie's cheek with his downy forehead.

The cat pressed against him, purring so hard he was sure the buzz would linger in his chest for hours.

Something nudged Valerie's rump, and he peered over his shoulder to see Japhet's tail sliding over his pink, furless skin. He blushed all the way to the pointed tips of his ears.

"Once I'm through with you," Japhet cooed, "you'll never give another she-cat a second glance. Stand up."

Valerie gulped, as anxious as he was ecstatic, and obeyed. When the bird's tail slid between his parted legs, caressing his little virgin sheath with silky feathers, the pleasure that rippled through him was so sudden and so overwhelming his joints nearly buckled.

He heard Japhet warble a chuckle above him. "Well?"

Shyly he took the bird's curly tail tip in his jaws as if it were the scruff of a she-cat's neck, then gave a single, experimental thrust. The sleek warmth of Japhet's feathers felt so good against his now-exposed cock that he thought he might pass out. As it was, he mewled like a newborn kit.

Abruptly Japhet's tail wrapped around his midsection and lifted him long enough for his bird friend to roll onto his back. He spread his hoofed legs and placed Valerie between them.

"I know I can't give you children," said Japhet, "but I'll gladly do this much for you."

Valerie stared at him, wide-eyed. Then he purred the loudest he had all night; it would be a wonder if all of Zone 2 didn't hear him. Still purring, he slid his little cock into Japhet's cloaca and set to grooming every inch of the bird's lower belly feathers he could reach. Japhet's fluttering breath told Valerie his new mate was enjoying this too.

As much as Valerie would have liked to draw out their first time together, feline mating was not naturally romantic, and his release came all too soon. He withdrew reluctantly, and his ears flattened against his head when Japhet hissed with pain.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I didn't know it would hurt." He sniffed at the whitish trickle he'd left between Japhet's thighs and apologetically began lapping it up.

Japhet sighed his approval. "You are a strange, strange cat, Valerie." He lowered his legs into a more comfortable position. "And I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

Valerie sneezed out a laugh as he licked. "Because I couldn't even chew through a little bird, right?"

"Because you're the kindest person I've ever met, cat or no cat."

A soft glow of warmth seemed to suffuse his entire being, and as he curled up next to Japhet for the night, Valerie decided he'd choose this over the warmth of a coat of fur any day.


End file.
